ACCEPTING "NO"

ACCEPTING “NO”.

PATHWAY TO HOPE CAMP

Thursday, July 24, 2025

Pastor Carolyn Sissom

Thank you, Dr. Judy, and Angela for honoring me by asking me to share today.   I salute all the teachers, aides, interns, and counselors who have volunteered to deposit love, joy, faith, and hope in the name of Jesus Christ to the children.  

I smiled at the theme for today’s devotional, “Accepting “NO.’”

 Immediately, I recalled three distinct scenarios of “NO.”

11.      As a child growing up, when my parents said, “No” it meant “No.”  There was no further discussion, questions, or explanation needed.  “No” in my family meant it was for my protection, well being, and betterment.  It could also mean what was best for the family as a whole.  I had total trust and respect in the judgment of my parents.

22.     When I had children of my own, the enforcing of “No” for their protection, well being, and betterment was a bit more intense.  They were stronger, smarter, and more inclined to test and push the boundaries.  The one incident which stands out in my mind has to do with my eldest. She was probably about 5.   I would tell the girls to use pretty words.  If a word was negative or said in anger, I would point out that we should only speak “pretty words.”  One day, I told Shanna, “No.” Without a pause, she said, “Mama, No, is not a pretty word.”  Well, there were many challenges to “No” in ensuing years by both daughters, but we made it through with family intact, in one piece, and the betterment was my growth to becoming a better, stronger, and smarter person.  One of the challenges for my children was my age difference with the parents of their friends.  I had my first daughter at 28 and the second at 33.  When they were in school, I was in my 30’s and 40’s, almost a grandmother compared to their friends’ parents who were in their 20’s.  The generational cultures had changed dramatically and I didn’t change with the generations.

33.     As a pastor of a church, saying “No” to adults takes on a whole different dynamic.  We have all generations from many back grounds.  Yet, like a family, boundaries and rules must be set to have harmony, unity, love, good will, and respect.  Hopefully the Pastor walks in all the above and gives that same respect to the leadership and congregants.  However, the LORD has never given a Pastor a perfect church.  No, to the contrary, we are given souls who need to be forgiven, loved, and discipled into Christ Jesus.  Many of these souls do not know how to give the respect that “No” means “No.”  Many have never been taught to respect boundaries.   I have had people come to me and ask about or for something that I had to say “No.”  Well, they weren’t really asking, they were telling me.  Thus, they would do it anyway.   As a pastor, dealing with adults, there is no punishment or push back.  We pray for them and trust God to their wellbeing and Christian growth.   We will all reap the consequences of our choices.   If it has to do with the Pastor’s personal family, or the wellbeing of the Church, the “No” must stand even if there is broken fellowship.

Since “No” is not a “pretty word,” there are ways to say the same thing with words which are as apples of gold in pictures of silver. (Prov. 25:11).

It is necessary to say “No’ sometimes.  Perhaps for our own safety and well-being, perhaps for others whom we are responsible for, or just to keep harmony and set healthy boundaries whether there are two people or a large group of people.

How we say it can determine how well it is accepted.  Certainly not screaming or arguing with one another.  I believe an adult should never yell at a child with the exception of the child being in immediate danger.  That kind of yell would have a different sound than one of anger.  If we become angry with a child, we have already lost the battle.

The word “decline” is a softer version of the word “No,” or substitute with an appropriate phrase.  Sometimes with a child, we can deflect or redirect--- that is until they get smart enough to figure out that we just side-stepped their intended action or activity. 

Every person has a right to say, “No.”  However, we say it, a healthy “No,” protects ourselves and others from harm, abuse, being taken advantage of, wrong choices, and sets boundaries of respect.   

Jesus said “No” many times during his ministry.   While we tend to equate saying yes with being “loving” and saying no with being “unloving.”  Jesus was love incarnate, but he had to say “no” many times.

In Mark 1: 35-39, He was praying in a solitary place.  Peter came to find him and told him the crowd was seeking him.  Jesus declined saying he must go to the next town, “that is why I have come.”

Jn. 5:14: The healing of the man at the pool of Bethesda – “Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you.”

Jn. 8:4 – the woman caught in adultery--- Jesus told her “go and sin no more.”

So, “Yes,” we are to teach people to say “no” to sin and the choice of living a sin filled life or a clean life. 

Matthew 4: 1-11: Jesus was tempted in the desert and said “No” to Satan.  We as Christians must teach our families, and those to whom we minister that there is a devil, there are choices which are evil and we must learn to say, “No,” to wrong choices which will steal our purpose, destiny, and blessings. 

There are three votes.  God votes for us.  Satan votes against us and whichever way we vote makes the difference.

Matthew 5:37:  Let your “Yes” be “Yes,” and your “No, “No.” For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.

I preach that we are never to come into submission to the devil, no matter who he is in.  We must walk before God and man as unto the Lord that others will respect the Jesus in us.  Paul refused to yield submission to the false brethren (Gal. 2: 3-5) even for an hour, that the truth of the gospel might continue with you.

  Saying “no” often comes at a price.  We are going to disappoint or worse make someone angry.  Saying “no” is really a gift.  Without the ability to communicate that we will not do something, our lives would be like a rudderless ship tossed to and fro by the whims of the people around us. 

As Christian teachers of adults and children, we have an obligation to teach others to say “no,” and respectfully accept the “no” of others.

Carolyn Sissom, Pastor

Eastgate Ministries Church, 10115 West Hidden Lakes Lane, Richmond, TX

www.eastgateministries.com